You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
