Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
