I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
