i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you didnt know i had herpes?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
