Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
