I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
