You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
