Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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