sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
