Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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