I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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