I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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