Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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