there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
