9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
