I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
