ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
420 ftw
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
