You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
