I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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