Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
