why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
