My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
