singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
