big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
