none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
