Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my shit smells like andre
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
