I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
