If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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