I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
