conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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