apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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