At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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