i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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