Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
