theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
