I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
