Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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