i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
