well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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