Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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