just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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