so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
