Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
