the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
