well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So vagazzling was a success
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
