that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
