your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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