My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize