I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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