all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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