capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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