But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
