i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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