If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
