Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just invented taco cereal.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
