I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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