Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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