I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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