I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
